Ritual Necromancy – Disinterred Horror (2018)

Ritual Necromancy – Disinterred Horror (2018)

More death metal, because why not. Except this time unlike Dechristianize this is a new album, and you’ve been sleeping on it. Let’s get slammin’ with the most 80’s Satanic panic D&D sounding band of 2018, Ritual Necromancy. These fine folks are a doomy, gloomy, buried in a tomby death band who have signed to the excellent Dark Descent Records (seriously, their lineup is nothing to scoff at), and have just put out their second full length. Unfortunately I haven’t heard their first album Oath of the Abyss, but the general consensus across the web is that Disinterred Horror is superior in every way so I’m happy living out my life without making that album a priority. First off, so we’re all on the same page (and totally not because I don’t know words very well), disinterred is defined as:

dis·in·ter

/ˌdisənˈtər/
verb
past tense: disinterred; past participle: disinterred
dig up (something that has been buried, especially a corpse).
synonyms: exhume, unearth, disentomb

So considering that those synonyms are all names of other metal bands, calling your album Disinterred Horror is fuckin’ primo in my books. Let’s hope the music holds up to the arbitrary expectations I’ve built up in my head because of the title. (more…)

Vital Remains – Dechristianize (2003)

Vital Remains – Dechristianize (2003)

“Wait, this this isn’t a movie”, I hear you mumble, half-drunk on a Sunday night (why else would you be reading this?). Why you’re right, dear reader. But, the joke’s on you, I’ll let you know. I’m half drunk on a Sunday night, and I’ve got a hankerin’ to write about some music, so write I shall. I used to write a lot about music on a now defunct blog of mine, but between the nostalgic read-through I did this morning and the day drinking I’ve been doing since lunch, it’s about time I picked it back up in the same, inconsistent way I’ve always blogged. I think I’m going to try and keep the music reviews shorter than the movie ones, but we’ll see how things pan out.

Our inaugural music review: a modern death metal classic that I seem to have totally slept on for the last fifteen years. Dechristianize, the 2003 album by Vital Remains.

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Blue Velvet (1986)

Blue Velvet (1986)

Blue Velvet is the fourth feature film by infamous writer/ director David Lynch. While I’ve seen Lynch’s film adaptation of Frank Herbert’s epic Sci-Fi novel Dune (which our new writer Matt is in complete and total love with), this marks the first proper Lynch film to cross my eyes.

Blue Velvet is about a young man named Jeffery (Kyle MacLachlan) who returns from college to his home town of Lumberton after his father is hospitalized from a stroke. While walking through a field near his house, Jeffery stumbles upon a severed human ear. He brings it to a local detective, as one does, but then decides to do his own amateur snooping and sleuthing. He befriends the detective’s daughter Sandy (Laura Dern), a decidedly ’50s ho-hum-gee-willikers type gal, and after she provides him information on the severed ear case, Jeffery convinces her to help him break into the apartment of Dorothy Vallens (Isabella Rossellini), a nightclub singer that has gotten herself associated with some very, very bad people. Heading these bad people is the perverted and psychotic Frank Booth (a supremely coked up Dennis Hopper), who has kidnapped Dorothy’s husband and child and now forces her to perform sexual acts against her will. Jeffery, now exposed to the disgusting underworld of his otherwise idyllic hometown, feels the need to further investigate these mysterious and dangerous goings-ons in Lumberton.

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Ichi the Killer (2001)

Ichi the Killer (2001)

Ichi the Killer is Takashi Miike’s 40-somethingth (no, really) film and the only one people seem to talk about other than Audition. Since I liked Audition so much, I figured Ichi would be right up my alley. I knew next to nothing about it going in to it other than it was a Miike flick, so I had a hunch that it was going to be wild to say the least. Ichi the Killer follows a sadomasochistic Yakuza thug named Kakihara as he searches for his missing boss. One thing leads to another, and he discovers his boss and colleagues are being hunted down by a disgustingly violent and relentless killer named Ichi. Being roughly Hellraiser levels into the whole pleasure-pain thing, Kakihara develops a sort of obsession with this legendary killer and begins seeking him out more out of curiosity than to find out what happened to his employer.

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Half-Assed Movie Roundup Extravaganza!

Half-Assed Movie Roundup Extravaganza!

I’ve seen a few movies since the last time I posted, and I’ve started writing about a bunch more that I saw in  2017/ early/ mid/ late 2018 but for the life of me I can’t get to completing a full write up for any of them. So. I’m just going to blast through each movie I haven’t gotten around to posting about with two sentences each because using only one sentence is too much of a hack gimmick, right? Whatever. My blog, my rules. Strap in kids for the first ever HALF-ASSED MOVIE ROUNDUP EXTRAVAGANZA.

The Devil’s Candy (2015): Horror and heavy metal is never a bad combo in my books. Fun, creepy, and full of heart.
Seven (1995): Had a good time watching it, but it was ultimately forgettable. Don’t @ me, Fincher fanboys.
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (2017): My favorite movie of 2017, by far. Not better than In Bruges, though.
Spiderman: Homecoming (2017): It was fine. I think?
Paddington (2014): Way better than a movie about a talking bear that eats marmalade and gets into zany antics deserves to be. I sincerely think almost anyone can find something they like in this movie.
Paddington 2 (2017): More of the same. Not as good as the first, but still better than it deserves to be.
The Babadook (2014): I really wanted to like this movie. I was pretty engaged throughout most of the runtime because the cinematography is great and the acting is superb, but ultimately the stumbling third act and very end pulled me right out of it.

Tenebrae (1982): My first Dario Argento movie (really!), and I remember almost nothing. I’m not throwing Argento away yet though, because I do still really want to see (and I have very high hopes for) Suspiria.
Casablanca (1942): I always thought this was just a boring movie for old people about old people. Boy, was I wrong.
El Mariachi (1992): Not as good as Desperado. Ultimately forgettable, though.
Desperado (1995): I remember having a blast watching this. Ultimately forgettable, though.
Once Upon A Time In Mexico (2003): Not as good as Desperado. Ultimately forgettable, though.
I Don’t Feel At Home In This World Anymore (2017): Brilliant and relevant dark comedy with a huge heart. It felt like a cross between a Jeremy Saulnier and Martin McDonagh flick.
The Fall (2006): This is the best looking movie I’ve ever seen. And I only cried a little bit while watching it.
Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992): A super fun spooOOOoooky Halloween-time movie. The cinematography and visual effects are on a whole other level.
Eraserhead (1977): Genuinely unsettling, and totally deserving of all of it’s hype. Lynch solidified himself as a filmmaker that I need to explore the filmography of fully.

The Shape Of Water (2017): Not as good as everyone said it was. Not as bad as everyone else said it was.
Ringu (1998): Spooky and atmospheric the whole way through with some interesting characters and creepy moments. Haven’t seen the American remake, so I can’t compare unfortunately.
Terrifier (2018): Good gore, fantastic villain, terrible everything else. I hope the inevitable onslaught of sequels will be better.
Coco (2017): “Remember me!” Sorry, but I honestly don’t.
Akira (1988): There is way more stuff crammed in this movie than I first thought. Absolutely beautiful hand-drawn animation and a crazy, inimitable style.
Isle of Dogs (2018):  Very Wes Anderson, and a lot of fun despite how dark it gets occasionally. I don’t get the controversy behind it though.
Mom And Dad (2018): It’s called a Sawzall. That means it saws all.

So, voila! Here’s uhh, something. Happy Halloween weekend, go stay in eating shawarma and watching weird Japanese movies while everyone else is getting blackout drunk.

-David